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What NOT to Do When Your Husband Sleeps with Your Friend

It seems people always want advice. Today, I am here to offer it!

Honestly, I can’t give you advice about what you SHOULD do if your husband sleeps with someone else, but I can definitely tell you what you SHOULDN’T do.

I am not a licensed marriage counselor, or a counselor at all for that matter. I can only speak from personal experience and share my story.

The day I found out my husband was sleeping with my friend, I already “knew”. “Knowing” is definitely different than knowing! So, then I knew. I called him and begged him to come home (not telling him why) and the moment I said “I love you” and his response was “ok”….I knew.

I told myself that I would remain calm, cool and collected. I tried my best even though on the inside I thought I might explode. When he finally came home, I asked him to sit on the couch with me and talk. I looked him in the eyes and said “I know where you have been and I know what you were doing”. At this point I am really kicking ass I thought to myself. He denied it and I repeated myself. Still calm. He was getting more and more irritated at my calmness, but still would not confess. Finally, I broke, started screaming and began a treacherous downhill spiral into what I have decided to compose as “What NOT to Do When Your Husband Sleeps with Your Friend”.

1. Do not scream. This uses too much of your energy that he is no longer worth.
2. Do not cry (to his face). He doesn’t deserve your tears or to ruin your mascara.
3. Do not agree to not confront the other woman. She should know that she is a pathetic excuse of a human being.
4. Do not lie to cover up what they have done. No matter what he says, he no longer should receive any of your loyalty.
5. Do not cower from her. When you see her, do not hide in shame or be scared of what she may say to you. She is in the wrong!
6. Do not beat yourself up or try to justify his behavior as a reflection of your inadequacies. His choice. His behavior. No excuse!
7. Do not do anything to make his life easier. At this point what’s done is done. There is no going back. No matter the awesome meal you try to cook, or how much sex you try to have with him, the damage is done and you can’t fix his stupidity.
8. Do not leave your home (I don’t mean this literally. I mean if he asks you to pack a bag and move, don’t do it). Stand your ground! It is your house. They are your things, your dogs, your children.

9. Do not stop living. You still have friends and family who love and support you.

10. Do not believe his lies. From the point you find out until the end, there will be a string of lies mixed with half truths and truths that sting. If you think its a lie…it probably is.

The Beginning: How I Met the Home Wrecker

The past year has been sheer insanity. Well really, life from the get go was sheer insanity, but that’s an entirely different issue.

A little over a year ago, things came to a screeching hault and took off running in the exact opposite direction. I could see it heading in that way, but was too full of myself to believe I could ever be “that” girl. Well, almost needless to say, in the blink of an eye, I was “her”, that crying, sobbing, hot mess, drama filled…friend.

How did this all happen? I still don’t think I have an exact answer, but it went something like this:

All couples should have friends they can do couple’s things with. Its healthy and can be beneficial, so when husband came home filled with excitement over these new people he made plans with I was naturally curious. The date and time was set. I confess, I was nervous. No particular reason why. I just had a feeling.
They pull up in their fancy car and out she steps. Yes, she was gorgeous. Long hair, amazing body and a personality that pulls men in. Instant hatred!

We spent the day at the race track. Laughing (falsely from me), joking, eating and then the inevitable occurred. The guys recommend the girls race each other. She won. That started a long winning streak for her.

I told myself not to be petty and to be a friend. I tried. I really did, but she just gave me a bad vibe from day one.

Immediately, I asked husband to not add her on FaceBook. Of course, she was a social media goddess and sent him a friend request that he “couldn’t ignore” because “that would be rude”!

I’m not sure of the actual progression between the two from that point on, as I was not part of it. However, from my point of view, it went something like this: FaceBook leads to sharing and knowledge of others. They discovered they both have a passion for the gym and running. An innocent gym session turns into a lunch date, which turns into secret meetings, more gym sessions, longer more intimate chats on FaceBook and finally sex and “I Love You”! “I have nothing but time and money for you”.┬áIt’s almost comical the way these things tend to play out.

At first I only “knew” what was going on between the two of them. I ignored the looks and flirtatious behavior when we would all get together. The get together became every weekend. He only ever wanted to do things with this couple and would be very agitated when plans got canceled. There just came a point when I had to actually know. Of course I snooped and found exactly what I suspected.

FaceBook reveals the behavior of all guilt parties. Clearly, the two of them were not thinking intelligently. Every line of every conversation was right in front of my face. At that exact moment they were together.

Instantly, I called and asked him to come home, but he was busy “running”. I told him I really needed to talk and to please come home. The call ended with me saying “I love you” and getting “ok” as a response. THAT was the moment I realized that what I thought would never happen was happening to ME!