It seems people always want advice. Today, I am here to offer it!
Honestly, I can’t give you advice about what you SHOULD do if your husband sleeps with someone else, but I can definitely tell you what you SHOULDN’T do.
I am not a licensed marriage counselor, or a counselor at all for that matter. I can only speak from personal experience and share my story.
The day I found out my husband was sleeping with my friend, I already “knew”. “Knowing” is definitely different than knowing! So, then I knew. I called him and begged him to come home (not telling him why) and the moment I said “I love you” and his response was “ok”….I knew.
I told myself that I would remain calm, cool and collected. I tried my best even though on the inside I thought I might explode. When he finally came home, I asked him to sit on the couch with me and talk. I looked him in the eyes and said “I know where you have been and I know what you were doing”. At this point I am really kicking ass I thought to myself. He denied it and I repeated myself. Still calm. He was getting more and more irritated at my calmness, but still would not confess. Finally, I broke, started screaming and began a treacherous downhill spiral into what I have decided to compose as “What NOT to Do When Your Husband Sleeps with Your Friend”.
1. Do not scream. This uses too much of your energy that he is no longer worth.
2. Do not cry (to his face). He doesn’t deserve your tears or to ruin your mascara.
3. Do not agree to not confront the other woman. She should know that she is a pathetic excuse of a human being.
4. Do not lie to cover up what they have done. No matter what he says, he no longer should receive any of your loyalty.
5. Do not cower from her. When you see her, do not hide in shame or be scared of what she may say to you. She is in the wrong!
6. Do not beat yourself up or try to justify his behavior as a reflection of your inadequacies. His choice. His behavior. No excuse!
7. Do not do anything to make his life easier. At this point what’s done is done. There is no going back. No matter the awesome meal you try to cook, or how much sex you try to have with him, the damage is done and you can’t fix his stupidity.
8. Do not leave your home (I don’t mean this literally. I mean if he asks you to pack a bag and move, don’t do it). Stand your ground! It is your house. They are your things, your dogs, your children.
9. Do not stop living. You still have friends and family who love and support you.
10. Do not believe his lies. From the point you find out until the end, there will be a string of lies mixed with half truths and truths that sting. If you think its a lie…it probably is.